Not another Hogwartian Musical!
by Feishien
Summary: The characters are singing again! But who's behind it this time? Sequel to 'A Hogwartian musical'
1. The nightmare continues

This is a follow on to 'A Hogwartian Musical' But instead of using real songs I'm going to use Harry Potter parodies.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I didn't write the song parodies. Are you happy now???  
  
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Harry and Ron were sitting in the common room, thinking about the events that had taken place just a few days ago.  
  
"I'm glad we got you out of that timewarp, Harry." Ron said  
  
"Yeah, I don't know what I'll do if I see anyone else burst into song again" Harry replied.  
  
"Where's Hermione?"  
  
"In the library"  
  
"Oh. It's so depressing here at Hogwarts" muttered Ron.  
  
"I know what will make us happy!" Harry smiled "beans!"  
  
"Beans?"   
  
"Beans! Bertie Botts Every Flavour beans!" harry fumbled around in his pocket and extracted a bag of beans. "Here, take one"  
  
Ron picked up a bean and ate it.  
  
The effect was immediate. Ron jumped up and his eyes went wide and glazed over, like he was on drugs. Ron snapped back to reality and burst into song. [to the tune of 'Dirty Pop' by N*Sync]  
  
Ron: Sick and tired of tastin' all these   
  
beans a poppin out  
  
What's up with these flavors and  
  
how their gonna turn out?  
  
The thing you've got to realize, is that  
  
no stop is to this trend  
  
Some got the gift of tastiness, you're  
  
gonna eat em' till the end  
  
c'mon now  
  
Harry could not believe what he was hearng.  
  
"I thought Voldie was dead!" he gasped.  
  
Ron: It doesn't matter  
  
Bout' the beans I eat,  
  
and the ones as hot as heck  
  
All that matters  
  
It that you satisfy your hunger  
  
for these specs  
  
It doesn't matter  
  
Bout' the beans I pop and where I eat and why  
  
All that matters  
  
Is that you get hyped and they'll do it  
  
to ya every time  
  
c'mon now  
  
"it's happening again!" Harry said as he tried to run but he was stuck to the ground. "Voldies's back!"  
  
Ron: Do you ever wonder how  
  
They make it taste like cow?  
  
It leaves you sayin "wow"  
  
Feel it when the flavor  
  
takes like rock  
  
(tastes like rock)  
  
It makes you wanna stop  
  
(You can't stop)  
  
But its tempting you to "pop"  
  
C'mon now  
  
These..Must..Be  
  
Bertie Botts,  
  
You can't stop  
  
I know you like these Bertie Botts  
  
(These must be)   
  
Harry had started to rock back and forth, hugging his knees and looking around anxiously, expecting Voldie to come in and sing another song.  
  
Ron: Now, why you wanna try to classify, the  
  
types of beans we eat?  
  
Cuz we're just fine eatin   
  
cherry wine  
  
Can you say the same for wheat?  
  
Tired of eating all around  
  
this flavored grape jelly  
  
Just worry bout' yours, cuz Im a'  
  
eat mine  
  
Why people?, Can't you eat?   
  
It doesn't matter  
  
Bout' the beans I eat,  
  
and the ones as hot as heck  
  
All that matters  
  
It that you satisfy your hunger  
  
for these specs  
  
It doesn't matter  
  
Bout' the beans I pop and where I eat and why  
  
All that matters  
  
Is that you get hyped and they'll do it  
  
to ya every time  
  
C'mon now   
  
Do you ever wonder how  
  
They make it taste like cow?  
  
It leaves you sayin "wow"  
  
Fell it when the flavor  
  
takes like rock  
  
(tastes like rock)  
  
It makes you wanna stop  
  
(You can't stop)  
  
But its tempting you to "pop"  
  
Baby, come one  
  
These must be, "Botts"  
  
Man, I'm tired of eatin'  
  
Bertie, bertie, bertie botts  
  
Bertie Botts  
  
Do you ever wonder...   
  
"I DON'T WONDER!" but it was no use, Ron just kept on singing.  
  
Oh!  
  
Do you ever wonder how  
  
(Ever wonder how)  
  
They make it taste like cow?  
  
(Taste like cow)  
  
It leaves you sayin "wow"  
  
Fell it when the flavor  
  
Takes like rock  
  
(Tastes like rock)  
  
It makes you wanna stop  
  
(You can't stop)  
  
But its tempting you to "pop"  
  
C'mon now  
  
These Must Be  
  
Do you ever wonder how  
  
(Ever wonder how)  
  
They make it taste like cow?  
  
(Taste like cow)  
  
It leaves you sayin "wow"  
  
Fell it when the flavor  
  
Takes like rock  
  
(Tastes like rock)  
  
It makes you wanna stop  
  
And the beans are all you got  
  
These must be "Botts!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Harry ran out of the room with his hands in the air.  
  
Ron sat back down and started popping beans in his mouth.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yes, another musical. Moo ha ha! I suggest you read my other Hogwartian Musical as well :) 


	2. Whenever Wherever DHr shippers are

Now for my second chapter :D  
  
Disclaimer: The day I own Harry Potter will be when pigs fly. The parodies are not mine. I just enjoy writing musicals, so sue me! No! I don't mean /i! Stay away you evil lawyers! Back! Back! *waves crucifix*  
  
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Harry was looking around desperately for some place to hide. After his last experience, Harry knew that no place in Hogwarts was safe after someone spontaneously bursts into song.  
  
Harry turned a corner and hid behind a statue of Eric the Oddball. He closed his eyes and tried to think calmly.  
  
"OK, how would I get out of this situation...think calmly. I would DESTROY THE FRIKIN MANIAC WHO PUT THIS BLASTED CURSE ON ME!!! No, must think calm thoughts...I would...do...something...this isn't working."  
  
Harry opened his eyes and found himself in the library.  
  
"Or i could turn to Hermione for help. That is if she doesn't start singing again."  
  
Harry started walking around the library, looking for his brainy friend. He peered behind a book shelf nervously and saw Hermione. With Draco Malfoy.  
  
Harry gasped. He could feel another song coming on.  
  
Sure enough, music started and Hermione started to dance like Shakira amd sing [to the tune of 'Whenever Wherever' by Shakira]:  
  
Hermione: Lucky you were born in wizarding world  
  
So we could both make fun of distance  
  
Lucky that you love a muggle-born for  
  
the lucky fact of my existence  
  
Baby I would travel Hogsmeade solely  
  
to gel your hair and bleach it daily  
  
Never could imagine there was only  
  
One hottie in these dormitories  
  
Le ro lo le lo le,  
  
Le ro lo le lo le  
  
Can't you see...I'm at your feet  
  
Harry didn't even bother running. He sighed and leaned against the nearest book shelf. "It looks like I'll be stuck in this musical world forever"  
  
Hermione: Whenever, wherever  
  
We're meant to be together  
  
Gryffindor or Slytherin  
  
What can a house mean my dear  
  
Krum, Potter, it's over   
  
You'll never have to wonder  
  
I already like a Slytherin   
  
and that's the deal my dears   
  
Lucky that my lips not only mumble  
  
They cast curses taught by Lupin  
  
Lucky that my brains are big and working  
  
So you don't confuse them with Pansy's  
  
Lucky I have cloak from Harry's father  
  
To run for cover when I need it  
  
And these two eyes watch Quidditch closely  
  
The day you lose will cry a river  
  
Le ro lo le lo le,  
  
Le ro lo le lo le  
  
At your feet, I'm at your feet  
  
Whenever, Wherever  
  
We can sneak out together   
  
Three Broomstick, some Buterbeers  
  
We'll have a drink my dear  
  
Thereover, see Skeeter  
  
You'll never have to wonder  
  
The whole school knows we date plainly  
  
Not a big deal my dear  
  
Le ro lo le lo le,  
  
Le ro lo le lo le  
  
We can fly, say it again  
  
Lo ro lo le lo le lo le  
  
Tell me one more time  
  
That you'll quit   
  
callin me Mudblood  
  
Whenever, wherever  
  
We're meant to be together  
  
At the ball and at the feasts  
  
You noticed me my dear  
  
Your father, Death Eater  
  
Gets on my nerves forever  
  
There's nothing left to fear  
  
If you'll really leave the way he lives  
  
Whenever, Wherever  
  
we're meant to be together   
  
Gryffindor or Slytherin   
  
What can a house mean my dear   
  
Your father, Death Eater  
  
Gets on my nerves forever  
  
There's nothing left to fear  
  
If you'll really leave the way he lives  
  
Harry made haste to the library door, glad that the whole thing was over.  
  
"At least they're not singing muggle songs anymore." Harry muttered.  
  
"No, they're singing /i songs!" came a voice from above.  
  
"Who said that?" Harry spun around so fast it cause him to do a little pirouette.  
  
The voice chuckled.  
  
"Never you mind. Just get along and be tortured. Remember, death is inevitable"  
  
"Okaaaaaaaay then" with that Harry walked as fast as he could out of the castle.   
  
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Oh, will Harry ever get out of this musical madness? Or will he become mad himself? Find out and don't forget to review!  
  
~Feishien 


	3. Avada Kedavra!

Who loves parodies? I DO! Especially Harry Potter song parodies! They have inspired me to write my second Musical and sequel to my last musical. If that made any sense at all. Read on my children!  
  
Disclaimer: I own...nothing. So sad and woeful am I.  
  
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The hero of our story ran and ran and ran right into the Forbidden Forest, the silly boy.  
  
"Oh look, I have run and run and run right into the Forbidden Forest. I am a silly boy." said Harry.  
  
"Yes, silly boys must be punished for their mistakes" the myserious voice said.  
  
"Me? Punished? Nah!"  
  
"Oh you just wait and see..." the voice said mysteriously...  
  
Sure enough, Harry heard bongo drums in the distance.  
  
"Oh for Pete's sake!"  
  
"Who's Pete?" asked the Voice.  
  
"Oh shut up and let me get tortured already."  
  
Two death eaters emerged from the thicket of trees. You know what happens next[to the tune of 'Hakuna Matata' from 'The Lion King':  
  
Death eaters: Avada Kedavra,  
  
what a wonderful spell!  
  
Avada Kedavra,  
  
It's our favorite craze...  
  
It means no muggles   
  
for the rest of our dayssss-s-s,  
  
It's our muggle-free philosophy,  
  
Avada Kedavra!  
  
Harry blinked. Was that it?  
  
Death Eater 1: Why, when Volds was a young bad boy,  
  
Death Eater 2: when Volds was a young bad booooooy...  
  
Death Eater 1: Put a sock in it!  
  
Death Eater 2: alright...  
  
He thought that the muggles lacked a certain appeal  
  
and he learned how to kill them with a flick of his wrist  
  
Death eaters: Our insensitive souls  
  
do not even wince  
  
as the spell hits the muggles and they pass away....  
  
Death eater 1: We're not ashamed!   
  
Death eater 2: oh why be ashamed?!  
  
Death eater 1: This is just a cool game!   
  
Death eater 2: oh what's in a game!  
  
Death eater 1: And we feel all excited   
  
Death eater 2:how do we feel?  
  
Death eater 1:Every time that we-- (silence...)  
  
death eater 1: Er, can't come up with something that rhymes here.  
  
death eater 2: Who cares! *shoots green light out of his wand*  
  
Death eaters: Avada Kedavra,  
  
what a wonderful spell!  
  
Avada kedavra,  
  
it's our favorite craze,  
  
It means no muggles   
  
for the rest of our days  
  
it's our muggle free Philosophy  
  
Avada kedavra!  
  
Harry backed away slowly as the death eaters danced off into the distance, killing random centaurs along the way.  
  
Harry bumped into someone unexpectedly on his way out of the Forest...  
  
"So we meet again, Harry Potter"  
  
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I suppose you can guess who Harry bumped into, right?  
  
And you know who the voice is, right?  
  
You should know these things because I am quite predictable.  
  
Now review I say!!  
  
~Feishien 


	4. Herrrrrrrrrrmione G!

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. You know it, I know it...just don't rub it in  
  
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"Voldie!" squealed Harry.  
  
"I prefer to be called The Dark Lord or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named...but whatever."  
  
Harry: (0.o)  
  
"Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, I'm here to take you away to my lair and torture you."  
  
"Haven't you tortured me enough?" wailed Harry.  
  
"NO! Not enough torture! For what you did to me..."  
  
"What? You mean kill you? You are supposed to be dead, you know."  
  
"But I am back from the dead!"  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"Because"  
  
"Because??"  
  
"Tsk! Do I have to explain EVERYTHING?!"  
  
"It would help a lot"  
  
"FINE! Because you are out of the time warp that youtourself foolishly created - "  
  
"I didn't start it! It was the rest fo Hogwarts!"  
  
"Yeah...blame it one everyone else. Anyway, now you are out of it, things that have been done have been undone. So I am undead. In other words, living."  
  
"Oh Okay then"  
  
"Now I'm going to torture you some more back at the lair"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"  
  
Music started up. Voldie froze and looked around.   
  
Hermione was dancing into view. Ginny was following her closely.  
  
[to the tune of 'Get the Party Started' by Pink]  
  
Ginny: Herrrrrrrrmione G.  
  
Hermione: I am studying for my extra subjects  
  
Ginny: my extra subjects, subjects...  
  
Hermione: I"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm taking three and thy're all at the exact same time  
  
Not much time for Quidditch just to watch Harry seek  
  
Twenty pounds of homework due by end of this week  
  
Fred and George make fun of me just 'coz I am smart  
  
They just laugh and joke and prank and play and they fart  
  
I've got lots of homework, I've got no time to spare  
  
Please pass me those quills and ink that are over therrrre!  
  
Harry was never so thankful for spontaneous singing in his life.  
  
Ginny: Herrrrrrrrmione G.  
  
Hermione: I am studying for my extra subjects  
  
Ginny: my extra subjects, subjects...  
  
Hermione: I"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm taking three and thy're all at the exact same time  
  
But I have time managed in this one little glass  
  
I'll turn back the future and go into the past  
  
Get to different classes in a matter of time  
  
I'm not doing homework, but I'm making this rhyme  
  
I should be in 7, not in year number 5  
  
Then I'll make sure Voldemort will not be alive  
  
Ginny: Herrrrrrrrmione G.  
  
Hermione: I am studying for my extra subjects  
  
Ginny: my extra subjects, subjects...  
  
Hermione: I"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm taking three and thy're all at the exact same time  
  
Hermione and Ginny then danced right out of sight again.  
  
"Hmph" Voldie pouted. "I didn't authorise all that singing."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked. "Of course you did"  
  
"I didn't"  
  
"You mean...it was something...from the beyond?"   
  
Harry and Voldie both aquired a far away look and stared into space for several minutes.  
  
"Now shut up and get into the bag!" yelled Voldie, snapping out of the trance and holding up a potato sack for Harry to get into.  
  
"Yes sir" said Harry miserably and he climbed into the sack.  
  
Voldie began his journey, with Harry in the sack, to his lair.  
  
BUMP!   
  
"Ouch! my head"  
  
"Oops, sorry"  
  
BUMP!  
  
"PAIN!!!"  
  
"Sorry Harry, but there's nothing I can do a-"  
  
BUMP!  
  
Many bumps later, Voldie got to his lair.  
  
Harry had a huge bruise on his head.  
  
"Now for the fun to start" Voldie smirked evilly...  
  
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So what will happen next? What lies in store for our Hero? Read on and don't forget to review!!  
  
~Feishien 


	5. Oops! He Crucio'd Again!

I typed this up a long while ago and forgot to upload it! Well, anyway, here you go. Read and review...review review review!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even the parodies. My talentless being doesn not know how to write such things. Don't you love writing disclaimers? It sure puts your self esteem up.  
  
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"Moo ha ha ha ha ha ha, Moo ha ha ha ha ha ha" Voldie began chanting while dancing around Harry, who was tied to a stake.   
  
"HELLLLLLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEE!" Harry yelled.  
  
"No one can help you now, scar-head!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
"Moo ha ha!"  
  
"NO MORE MOO HA HA'S!!!"  
  
"It's MWAhahahahaha, not Moo ha ha. Say it right, you twit" came a familiar voice.  
  
"Eh?" Voldie turned around, shocked and completely clueless.  
  
"HERMIONE! YOU'VE COME TO SAVE ME!" Harry screamed hoarsely.  
  
"Stay back, you evil Mudblood!" Voldie said, holding his hands across his face for protection.  
  
Hermione screwed up her face "DON'T CALL ME MUDBLOOD! BLOODY HELL, HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO SAY IT?!"  
  
Voldie and Harry looked dumbfounded.  
  
Hermione calmed visibly.  
  
"Now, what I came to say is that I have found out who has re-started all this singing business."  
  
Harry grinned. Voldie looked somewhat dissapointed.  
  
"The awful person who is making us all sing and dance and do other ludicrous things is-"  
  
"OBLIVIATE!" came a voice from nowhere in particular.  
  
Hermione shot backwards into a wall and several rocks bounced off her head.  
  
"Ouch" she moaned.  
  
Suddenly a flash of blonde hair darted across the room towards Hermione. It was Draco. He cradled Hermione on his lap and stroked her hair.  
  
"FERRET BOY!" Harry squealed.  
  
Draco tossed an evil glare at Harry and turned back to Hermione.  
  
"Are you okay, my long-molared mudblood?" A/N who cares if Hermione's teeth are no longer long? I wanted to use that phrase okay? Got a problem with that?!  
  
"Draco..." Hermione said feebly.  
  
"Yes my oobly woobly?"  
  
"This is making me sick" Harry muttered.  
  
"I wanted to tell you...how much I..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"HATE BEING CALLED A MUDBLOOD!!"  
  
With that Hermione jumped up, slapped Ferret Boy in the face and stormed off.  
  
"Wait Hermione!" Draco followed Hermione out the door.  
  
Harry and Voldie watched in awe as all this happened. The ceased blinking for several minutes.  
  
Harry was the first to wake from his trance.  
  
"Untie me, good sir!" he demanded.  
  
"Never!"  
  
Voldie began pacing and muttering to himself.  
  
"What do I do with him? ... Need lots of pain ... What *do* I do?..."  
  
Suddenly Voldie froze up, closing his eyes. Seconds later, his eyes opened sharply and an evil grin spread over his face. His head turned towards the door and an old limping man walked into the room.  
  
It was Frank Bryce. A/N You know, that old dude that took care of the Riddle's garden in GoF  
  
"CRUCIO!"   
  
Out of nowhere music started up.  
  
"Oh no no no no no..." muttered Harry closing his eyes. He peeked them open to see Voldie strip off his black robes to reveal a tight, bright red body suit.  
  
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"  
  
Voldie started singing [to the tune of 'Oops I Did It Again' by Britney Spears]  
  
Voldie: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,  
  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,  
  
Oh yes, I have to accept,  
  
I made them believe I was one of them,  
  
Dumb Muggles,  
  
They thought I was their friend,  
  
How couldn't they see they had reached their end?  
  
face it, I'm a Death Eater,  
  
And I'll do what's typically me,  
  
Oh muggle, muggle  
  
Frank Bryce twitched in pain. Harry couldn't bare to watch. But the sight of Voldie dancing in a bright red body suit was too over powering.  
  
Voldie: Oops!...I crucio'd again,  
  
I tortured him bad, and he cried in pain  
  
Oh muggle, muggle,  
  
Oops!...I crucio'd too much,  
  
Now my muggle is dead,  
  
I'll look for someone else.  
  
You see the thing goes like this,  
  
I just laugh away  
  
as they start wishing they ceased to exist  
  
They scream, hit by my spell  
  
as their limbs shake and twist in so many ways,  
  
It appeals to my senses  
  
I can't help it now so sue me,  
  
Oh muggle muggle  
  
"Sue you? That sounds like a good idea"  
  
Voldie: Oops!...I crucio'd again,  
  
I messed up his mind, and made him insane  
  
Oh muggle, muggle,  
  
Oops!...I crucio'd too much,  
  
Now my muggle is dead,  
  
I'll look for someone else.  
  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah  
  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah  
  
Voldie: "Hey, before you go, there's something I want you to see." *shows him the wand*  
  
Frank: "Oh, it's... interesting, but wait a minute, isn't this...?"  
  
Voldie: "Yeah, it's a wand" *smirk*  
  
Frank: "Oh, a wand... I was going to say a stick..."  
  
Voldie: "A 'stick'?! Well let me show you what this 'stick' can do!"  
  
Frank: "Be my guest!"  
  
Oops!...I crucio'd a muggle again!  
  
I guess I just lost my temper,  
  
Oops!...I think I'll never have enough,  
  
I love this painful Curse!  
  
Oops!...I crucio'd again,  
  
I tortured him bad, and he cried in pain  
  
Oh muggle, muggle,  
  
Oops!...I crucio'd too much,  
  
Now my muggle is dead,  
  
I'll look for someone else.  
  
Voldie froze.   
  
Harry blinked.  
  
"Now what?" Voldie said, dumbfounded.  
  
"UNTIE ME!!!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Uh, don't think so." Voldie replied, shaking his finger.  
  
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Will Harry ever get untied? And just who is the person in charge of all that singing? Find out...later. While you wait, why don't you review!!  
  
~Feishien~ 


	6. Hey now, he's a Broomstar

So What happens now? The long awaited chapter six is here! My brain is working again and I've got another parodied song to work into my twisted musical!!  
  
Disclaimer: Me. Own. Nothing. Comprende?  
  
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Harry siged. This was going to be one long day (or night? I lost track of time a couple of chapters back. But no matter).  
  
"I'm still not untied" Harry whined.  
  
"Oh shut up! I'm trying to think of a new and exciting way to torture you!" Voldie said. "All you've done is whine the whole time here and I don't like it"  
  
"PING!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Wha-?"  
  
"I'm going insane here. I had to do something spontaneous"  
  
"Ah. Right"  
  
"PING!" boomed a voice. "Oh, and I must do one more thing PING!"  
  
With that, Voldie changed from the tight red body suit back to his plain old black robes.  
  
"What?" Voldie said turning around. "OH NO! What happened to my body suit? I was rather attatched to that"  
  
"It wasn't me." Harry replied. "It was the voice from up there" Harry threw his head up since he couldn't point.  
  
"Things are going to get a little more interesting around here" the voice said again.  
  
"I don't like the sounds of that." Harry pouted.  
  
"So you don't like my ideas, huh?" the voice said "You'll pay dearly, pothead.  
  
"What are you gonna do huh?" said Harry.  
  
"You are one angry adolescent in Order of the Phoenix" the voice continued.  
  
"Are you J.K Rowling?" Voldie whispered. He then fell onto his knees and started hailing the sky.  
  
"Oh powerful one, oh Great Master, we worship you our Godess, creator of all-"  
  
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not J.K" the voice said.   
  
"You're not?" Voldie got up and brushed invisible dust off his robes and sheepishly waddled into the nearest corner.  
  
"Who are you?" Harry asked the stone ceiling.  
  
"Less Yappin', more singin'!" commanded the voice impatiently. Harry then heard a loud click somewhere in the distance.  
  
"That sound can only mean something evil" Harry said coldly "Uh oh"  
  
"I feel a song coming on" Voldie said brightly, emerging from his dark corner.  
  
"Get back in there!" snarled the voice.  
  
"Yes voice, ma'm, sir, dude, dudette, voice, ma'm, sir-"   
  
"Just shaddup and get in there" the voice boomed.  
  
"OK" Voldie said tidmidly and shuffled back into the darkness.  
  
"Now the fun begins!"  
  
A click sounded in the distance. Harry's ropes loosened and he was able to jump down rather clumsily from the pole.   
  
Then came the music. [to the tune of 'Allstar' by Smashmouth]  
  
Harry: Petunia never told me that all the wizards know me   
  
But she ain't the sharpest screwt in the crate.   
  
She was looking pretty dumb with her monster of a son   
  
Eating everything except for his plate.   
  
Voldie: What the...?  
  
Voice Shaddup! I'm having my fun!  
  
Harry: The letters started coming and they didn't stop coming   
  
Squished in the car as Vernon kept running   
  
Stuck on a rock in the ocean, was awakened by a violent motion   
  
Then came Hagrid with bit of a struggle, told me I wasn't a Muggle   
  
Went to Diagon Alley, got cool stuff, then life stopped being so rough   
  
Hey now, I'm a broom star,   
  
Go to Hogwarts, Quidditch played.   
  
Hey now, I'm a wizard,   
  
Got my wand, best friends made   
  
Lightning bolt on my head   
  
"Lumos" I have often said   
  
Voice: Don't you just love this song?  
  
Voldie: It's a muggle song. I hate muggles!  
  
Voice: Pft. You and your so-called 'purebloods'  
  
Voldie: I smite your blood for I am the smiter of the smited!  
  
Voice: Er...riiiiight...^^'  
  
Harry: Ron's a bit poor, but he's really funny   
  
Hermione's very helpful but reads a ton-ny.   
  
Neville keeps forgetting his brain   
  
Fred and George are simply insane   
  
Ginny's real nice, but giggles too much   
  
Then there's Dean and Lavender and such   
  
Cho is really sweet, wish I could date her   
  
I hope Malfoy will fall off a glacier   
  
Hey now, I'm a broom star,   
  
Go to Hogwarts, Quidditch played.   
  
Hey now, I'm a wizard,   
  
Got my wand, best friends made   
  
Lightning bolt on my head   
  
Hedwig is my good pet   
  
Random Hogwarts students ran into the room for no apparent reason.  
  
Random students:Go, go, go, go, for the snitch!   
  
Go, go, go, go, for the snitch!   
  
Go, go, go, go, for the snitch!   
  
The random students run back out of the room.  
  
Voldie: Okaaaaaaay then...  
  
Voice: It's all part of the plan.  
  
Harry: Hey now, I'm a broom star,   
  
Go to Hogwarts, Quidditch played.   
  
Hey now, I'm a wizard,   
  
Got my wand, best friends made   
  
Lightning bolt on my head   
  
Too bad my parents...   
  
Somebody once asked for, the three-quarter platform   
  
But I didn't know how to get in there.   
  
Mrs. Weasley showed the way, and the rest is histo-ray   
  
I just think about how I got here.   
  
The letters started coming and they didn't stop coming   
  
Squished in the car as Vernon kept running   
  
Stuck on a rock in the ocean, was awakened by a violent motion   
  
Then came Hagrid with bit of a struggle, told me I wasn't a Muggle   
  
Went to Diagon Alley, got cool stuff, then life stopped being so rough   
  
Hey now, I'm a broom star,   
  
Go to Hogwarts, Quidditch played.   
  
Hey now, I'm a wizard,   
  
Got my wand, best friends made   
  
Lightning bolt on my head   
  
'Cause of house-elves I am fed   
  
Lightning bolt on my head   
  
Gryffindor's color is red.  
  
"I DID NOT do that!" Harry shrieked.  
  
"Yes you did!" the voice said gleefully. "Fun, fun fun -"  
  
"Yeah, sick twisted fun" Harry muttered under his breath.  
  
Voldie squealed wiht delight. "More songs, more songs!" he chanted.  
  
"As you wish." the voice said solemnly.  
  
"Excellent" Voldie said as he twiddled his fingers, you know, like Mr Burns does. 


	7. Ode to Harry Potter

"Now for more songs!" the voice said, it's voice echoing around teh cavernous room.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shreiked Harry, stumbling backwards.  
  
"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!" Voldie said, doing a little happy dance on the spot.  
  
"AAARRRRGGGHHHHH my EYES!" Harry yelled, shielding his eyes from the monsterous sight.  
  
Voldie stopped dancing.  
  
"Fine. If you want to leave, you're free to. Not tied to that damn pole anymore" he pouted.  
  
"Yes, precisly what I was about to do" Harry said, marching toward the door.  
  
"Oh no you don't, laddie!" the voice boomed. The door closed and clicked, the sign of locking.  
  
"Aw crap, I'm doomed in this room with some singing idiot and some powerful force that can make the idiot sing!" Harry muttered, throwing himself on he floor and waiting for his doom.  
  
"HARRY!" yelled a voice. "I'VE GOT THE ANSWER!"  
  
"HERMIONE!" Harry yelled. "WHAT IS IT?"  
  
"WAIT TILL I CATCH MY BREATH!"  
  
"WHY ARE WE YELLING?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!"  
  
"HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH THE LOCKED DOOR?"  
  
"STOP ASKING TOO MANY DARN QUESTIONS!"  
  
"You shall not learn the secret to all this song singing!" the voice siad calmly. "Why didn't you get rid of her earlier?" the voice whispered liudly to Voldemort (long time since I actually used his name, huh?)  
  
"SHUSH!"  
  
"So you ARE in on this song singing bussiness yet again!"  
  
"It wasn't me!"  
  
"SURE it wasn't"  
  
"It wasn't Harry!" came Ron's voice.  
  
"Oh, do you're in league with dear old Voldie as well, are you?" Harry said in an accusing tone.  
  
"I prefer to be called the Dark Lord" Voldie piped up.  
  
"So?" everyone said, turning around to look at him.  
  
"Errr....I'll just go back into my corner, shall I?" he said, creeping backwards slowly.  
  
"You do that" Harry said irritably. "Answer me this then. If it isn't old Voldie who is doing this, who is?"  
  
"Use your brain, you dolt!" Ron exclaimed.  
  
"Isn't that obvious?" Hermione said impatiently.  
  
"Erm...lemme think.." said Harry, scratching his head "is it ...uh... erm... can I have three chances?"  
  
"Ohmigod" Hermione said, slapping her forehead.  
  
"It's that dude!" Ron explained, pointing to the ceiling.  
  
"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'M MELTING, MELTING!!!"  
  
"Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh so it was the voice!"  
  
"Well duh" chorused Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Ah! You have rid us of the song maker!" Harry exclaimed in jubilation.  
  
"Aw darn you Mudblood and Weasle. I liked to sing and dance and-"  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermikone looked at Voldie funny.  
  
"Erk! I mean, alas, my plan is foiled, blast you, blast you all into oblivion. I will now make my way to the Forbidden Forest and hide for the next fifty years or so. Faretheewell"  
  
And in a puff of smoke Voldie was gone.  
  
"All in a day's work" Ron said, dusting off his hands.  
  
Harry looked at his watch.  
  
"Ah, we still have time for another song"  
  
"Oh alright, but no more after this, promise?" hermione warned.  
  
"We promise" Harry and Ron said in unison.  
  
Ginny ran into the room and bowed.   
  
"It is my pleasure to entertain you all for one last song." Ginny cleared her throat. "This one's dedicated to you, harry Potter" she added, batting her lashes and giggling.  
  
Harry groaned. "Oh no. Not another tribute song"  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione sat down in chairs that materialised out of nowhere and Ginny began. [this is not a parodised song. It's called 'Ode to harry Potter' by the Switchablade Kittens. Very catchy song]  
  
Ginny: I can't help but blush when you're near me  
  
But you just exclude me from your circle of three  
  
I'm right in front of you, but you don't see  
  
You treat me like I'm a Colin Creevey   
  
I love you  
  
But it seems you don't love me  
  
My friends say you're so brave  
  
And I know  
  
You will see that we were meant to be  
  
When you miss me it will be too late  
  
I have swallowed so much love my hair grows red  
  
Come over to my house to see my brother instead  
  
You didn't get my Valentine, didn't know what it meant  
  
Every page about you my diary's read  
  
I love you  
  
But it seems you don't love me  
  
My friends say you're so brave  
  
And I know  
  
You will see that we were meant to be  
  
When you miss me it will be too late  
  
Even though you're the one I adore  
  
Next year at Hogwarts you'll see I've transformed  
  
I will hold my head up high, I'm a Gryffindor  
  
And you won't need to save me anymore  
  
I love you  
  
But it seems you don't love me  
  
My friends say you're so brave  
  
And I know  
  
You will see that we were meant to be  
  
When you miss me it will be too late  
  
When you miss me it will be too late  
  
When you miss me it will be too late  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione clapped and cheered as Ginny took another bow and ran out of the room.  
  
"Well, we'd better run out of the room as well" suggested Harry.  
  
"Yeah." Agreed Ron.  
  
So they all ran out of the room and no more singing was ever done in the Halls of Hogwarts. Well, maybe for the Slytherins in the Fifth book, but I'd better not spoil the plot for those of you who have not read it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Wipes tear from eye* oh that was a marvelous musical! Not as long as the other musical, but marvelous nonetheless. I hereby resign from writing any more Hogwartian Musicals. Toodles.  
  
~Feishien~ 


End file.
